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May 2008 - planetautumn.com ARCHIVE |
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May
27, 2008...6:00pm
While sitting on my porch in my sweater and stocking cap, my two youngest children, ages 4 and 5, walked past me carrying a Build-a-Bear teddy bear. Bella was the mother bear, Jon was the papa bear, and Tinkerbear was the baby bear. Adorable, yes? Allow me to continue.... "Come on, Jon. Let's go hunt people," said Bella. I'm so glad she's mine. May
26, 2008...9:15pm
(To Lisa and Warren - some of my pics turned out poorly - blurry, something's drunk - but there are some good ones so I'll make a CD of them for you. Also, click below and read the invite information. tee hee.) Click
here to see the original party invitation. A little more...
May
23, 2008...12:15am
Lisa and Warren (formerly Liz and Wayne, I'm done with pseudonyms) of The Really Perverted Duo went to a concert tonight. They saw Rush for the second time in a year. (insert barf bag here) Yes. It was all very gay. I don't even know why I'm friends with these people. I'm getting up in 5 hours, and I'm going to stop and pee on Lisa's lawn before I continue on to work. May
21, 2008...10:30pm And I have a strong intuition. I have been this way since I was a kid, but I have never harnessed it, trained it, tamed it and made it helpful, rather than scary. It's all very random, chaotic, and frightening to me. Mostly, I have never liked this talent. I also talk to people out loud. I have conversations with people that are alive, but are not in the room with me. I practice conversations I would like to have with other people, or conversations I think will happen. This comes randomly to me, out of the blue, and usually some time later what I have imagined and talked about to myself happens....in real life. I'm a freaking Oscar-winning fucktarded person. I know what's going to happen. I just don't know that I know until after it happens. Understand? It's frustrating. Intuition and talking to people who aren't really there is very frustrating. Tonight, I had a conversation with my Mother, imagining talking to her about all the stuff I want to say to her, but cannot say to her face. Because she's dead. So now...I'm talking to dead people. FUCK. I do not want to go there. Somebody bad may want to talk to me....somebody ghosty and mean. After talking to my dead Mother aloud, I went into the bathroom to pee. I restarted the conversation with my mom. "Hey....I know you can see me pee," I said. Mom said, "It's ok." I felt that she was feeling close to me at that moment. "Mom? I miss you. I love you," I said, "Sorry...I just farted." "I know..." said Mom. "I love you, Mom," I said. She said other things that I don't want to share. We had a toilet conversation about all of my shortcomings. She's worried about me, but not too worried because she's at peace and happy where she is at. Earth is...ummm...the past to her, but she's still connected in a strange way. She just doesn't want to see me in her world, yet. She wants me to learn from her mistakes and be here for my kids until I'm dead, and doesn't want me dead too soon. She's still with me as I type this. I can feel her here. I'm insane.
May
18, 2008...9:00pm It's my primary hobby, and that's why I get drunk and collect belly button lint from October until May. I hope you enjoyed the homemade Christmas cookies I gave you, and didn't those Easter baskets have an interesting scent? You're welcome. Hey...I got my flowers and perennials and vegetables this weekend, and I have finished planting my garden even though the Second Ice Age is upon us.
Yesterday, I went to the flower Nursery wearing my flower Nursery t-shirt that gives me a 10% discount if I'm willing to say "FUCK OFF, I'M SHOPPING FOR FLOWERS!" whenever another customer asks me for help. My favorite flower is the Gerbera Daisy, and I planned to purchase one orange and one fuchsia Gerbera Daisy. It's been outlined in my spiral notebook since November. I had a plan. The following is a reenactment of what happened in my mind at the flower Nursery on May 17, 2008.
I hoped you enjoyed it. I did. Bitch.
May
16, 2008...11:00pm He's 4. He's getting a motorcycle and a job tomorrow.
We're all very proud. Aren't we, Bella? (Good job, Jonny!!!!!! I love you.)
May
12, 2008...9:00pm
May
11, 2008...9:30pm
May
10, 2008..11:30pm We're all very excited about Jon's birthday! Aren't we, Bella?
Happy Birthday, Jonny! Love, Mommy. May
8, 2008...8:00pm . If you do not take time off from work to see your child's preschool spring opera, then you will burn in hell. And you'll deserve it. I did the funky coloring in that picture to try to conceal the identities of the other children without putting black rectangles over their eyes because you had to see the look on the little black girl's face. She was into it, man, and I believe it was only Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Cute! Fuck it. They all look like Welch's Grape Juice Kids. Run away from them! Scary. May
7, 2008...7:30pm "Mom? I want to tell you a question," began Isabella. "Yes, dear?" I said with trepidation because very few good things begin with telling questions. "I wish I could see your meat someday," she said. "Pardon?" I replied. "Your meat," she explained. "Why do you want to see my meat?" I humored stupidly. "I want to see what your meat looks like," she gestured, tapping her right arm with her left fingers. Me - *blink blink* "YOUR MEAT!" she cried because how stupid is this woman? "Dad said that we are meat..." "Really..." I said with a widow's glance at my husband who was out of firing range, "But nobody eats us, Isabella." "Lions do," she said. Later on, Isabella planted pickle seeds in the sandbox to grow a pickle plant, and she referred to the grill, where her father was barbequing meat, as his garden. After that, the giant teddy bear became her boyfriend and they had a baby together. It was a pig. God I love her. A little afraid of her, but I love her. May
5, 2008...9:000pm
IN OTHER NEWS.... No Photoshop. Embrace my crinkles. I'm learning how to do that. It's not going too well.
You know what's not fair? Being wrinkly AND getting pimples. One or the other, man! Jesus. May
3, 2008...1:30pm
May
1, 2008...7:30pm Straight to the Horrifying Video Here. I have a bone to pick about this. I'm going to make a list of bone picking: 1.
Why are the babies naked? Holy cow. Evolve, already. Freaks. April
30, 2008...7:30pm
Good job, Hunny. Two crabby old men live in that yellow house behind mine, and they're brothers. That means a lot. They watch me from that window when I'm sitting on my porch. I believe they have a basement filled with our sandbox toys and play balls. Evil. EVIL. Nice vagina-tree, though. Hope it cracks during a stiff wind and falls and breaks that fucking spy-window. hehe. |
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